Of Lost Bracelets and Cookie Crumbs...

Today, I learned an important lesson. No matter how hard you try to erase the pain from your mind, no matter how hard you try to forget why you're in pain, it's gonna come to you. And it ain't gonna be pretty.

I woke up this morning full of hope, and just a bit nervous about what would come. I didn't know why, but I felt like everything was going to be okay. Then I saw it. Lying there on my bedroom counter, its rhinestone initial peircing my soul, standing in my attention like a scarlet letter. That damn bracelet. I stared at it for a minute, trying to decide whether to pick it up and wear it, pretending nothing happened, or toss it across the room and hope to God and Satan I'd never see it again.

Instead, I left it. I left it and forgot it.

I walked away smiling, feeling a bit of triumph that I didn't cry.

And I didn't. I made it to 2:31PM without crying. I made it to my mid-afternoon snack without so much as a sniffle. Cookies and milk.

*Plunk*

Why did my cookie crumble into my milk? Why does everything in my life have to go wrong? Can't I have a chocolate chip cookie and a glass of milk without everything going straight to.... Well, crap. Now, swimming in the milk, tears accompany my cookie crumbs. Don't ask me why, but it happened.

I ran to the bathroom and cried for ten minutes. Over cookie crumbs and a bracelet.

Now it's 4:38PM on a Monday afternoon, and I'm sitting here wondering what tragedy will overcome me next. Perhaps a fly? Or maybe there will be no ice in the fridge? There's no telling when you're psycho like me.

When is it gonna end? I wish I knew.

When it does, maybe I can live a life without tears.


Love, Pai