Boredom, Backgrounds, And Blogging About Bollocks.

Okay, so I'm sitting her completely bored and with no idea what to write. Why am I sitting here writing anyway, you ask? What, do I think I'm that important, that people will wanna read my blog, even if it's filled with complete and utter bollocks? What an arrogant prick, who do I think I am, hones--


Woa, woa, hold your horses there. Before we get into name-calling, let's get a few things straight. No, I don't think I'm that important. In fact I seriously doubt anyone even reads this blog. No, I'm not arrogant, I don't think I'm anybody, just another bored emo wanting something to do.


The truth is, I'm just sitting here writing this because I love writing. There's something magical about my fingers touching the keys, and watching my thoughts appear on the screen. I'm addicted to the written word, and I absolutely adore creating it.


So, here's me, blogging, creating written word - even if nobody cares. At least I do.


Boooorrrredddd. What a word. Boredom makes us do insane things, like run around naked, or huff pipe glue (I only sniffed it a little!). For me, it made me climb ontop of my swingset then change my XChat background picture to a picture of emos making out. By the way, what do you think?

It kinda reminds me of me and Jay a little. Not sure why. For one, he doesnt have a nose ring. I'd kick his ass if he did.

Boredom also makes me Google image search. When I'm boredny, or bored + horny, usually porn helps. But today, I was TOTALLY bored. So instead, I Googled for Disney pictures. Ones from cartoons. Also, what the hell, am I obsessed, or does every single picture I see look like me and Jay?

Oh well. Either way, it's adorable. I love you Jay!

Love, Pai

First Kiss, Flawless, Fearless.

There I am, in the middle of Belfast, in front of a small pub called O'McBrian's. I'm standing there alone, waiting for the man I love.

He's not here. Why hasn't he come yet? He should be here. He told me he'd meet me here.

The clock keeps ticking. My lovesick eyes find him in everyone who passes me. . . but none of them are him.

Now I'm getting worried. What if he bails? What if he's standing me up? What if this is some cruel joke, and I've went across an entire ocean to get played?

He'll come. He has to. He'll come. . . Won't he? Oh, God, this is really sucking now.

It's been so long. . . Here come the tears. Someone get an umbrella, the waterworks are coming.

Now I'm on the damn dirty ground with my tears flowing like rain. How great is that, huh?

Why am I even doing this? This is such bullsh-- There he is. He's right there in front of me now, wouldn't you know he'd wait until I look so terrib-- And he kisses me. I'm in his arms and he's kissing me. Awesome. This kiss is like. . . I don't have the words to describe it. But this song is in my head:

"Well you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake
I'm not usually this way but
You pull me in & I’m a little more brave
It’s the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin’, it’s fearless"~Taylor Swift

Best. Dream. Ever.

I love ya, Jay. I'm dedicating this post to you.

Love, Pai

Marilyn Monroe & Monty Python

Today, I checked up on Facebook and saw a quote on my sister Phoebe's status that really struck on something golden.

"I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." ~Marilyn Monroe.

You know, I think this quote fits both me and my sissy perfectly, along with several other women I know. And you know what else? People that disagree, are completely bullshit. Elvis, Brandon, you're bullshit. Nathan, Steven, Aidan, you're bullshit. Caitlin, Luna, you're bullshit.

It's true. We're awesome. And if you don't think so, well, you suck goats. :)

And as for me, Phoebe, Mom, Josh, and the rest of us amazing people. . . We have our own quote, from the movie Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life:

"And pray there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'cause there's bugger
all down here on earth."

Love you guys.

Love, Pai

Lumpiness, Laziness, and Loss (Of Weight.) . . . . (I Hope.)

Okay. Time for another round of "accepting thy fate." Unfortunately, my fate is heading toward becoming a big fat lump of well. . . fat. I barely have any energy recently. Not even enough to PM my IRC friends and converse with them. My favorite jeans don't fit. Hell, I can't even walk up and down my driveway without losing my breath. So after a total mental and physical breakdown today with the realization that I'm actually becoming one of "those" people, I think it's time for a change.

A big one.

Well . . . Maybe not quite that big. I'm a bit of a pussy that way. I don't like exercise and I don't like dieting. Hopefully, small trade-ins will make a big difference. . . Let's see...

Whole-grain wheat bread instead of white. I can do that. Hmm. Quite tasty actually.

Whole-grain crackers with small cheese slices instead of potato chips and hunks of Velveeta. I like cheddar better anyway!

Oh dear. . . my Reese's. . . Not my Reese's! Of all things, please, God, don't take my Reese's!!!!

Hmm. Blueberries. Not bad. Not as good as Reese's. But maybe I can have one cheat day a week. . .

This might not be so bad after all.

That is, as long as I can have my Reese's.

Love, Pai

My Life Would Suck Without You

It's funny how easily moods can change. Sometimes the things you'd expect to be cheerful can make you cry. And sometimes the things you'd expect to rile you into a fight. . . can actually make you smile.

Yesterday, I was sure the moment I woke up that my entire day was going to suck. And it seemed I was right. I hadn't been "allowed" to go online at all for the weekend because of some horrible crime I'd committed, which I can no longer remember. Most likely leaving clothes on the floor, or worse, playing my hand-me-down Gameboy when I should've been helping in the kitchen. Can you imagine my audacity?!

Tired of being treated like a small child and needing some alone time, I went outside to sit under a tree in hopes some angel of a hungry beast would come along and put me out of my misery. Or at least scare the crap out of me.

Just one problem: I forgot my kind of luck. Not the kind that would allow me such a luxury. Oh, no. I have the kind of luck that turns a back doorstep into a broken (for the umpteenth time) tailbone.

Great. Just Goddamn great. Now, I'm pissed off and in excruciating pain. But, there's no stopping to cry for me. Time to take a Tylenol and go to the store.

Midway through the cereal aisle, I was about to break down into tears. Partly from anger, partly from the pain. Damn weak Tylenol never helps. Then I remembered - I had my grandmother's cell phone. I was alone in a store with that fucking tyrant's cell phone. Hah. Maybe my luck isn't so bad after all. Of course there's only one thing left to do. . .

Call my sister. Oh, my sissy. I called her. As she described to me why she was in a fight with her dad, obviously upset, I couldn't help but smile. Not because I was happy that she was upset - of course not. Just to hear her voice. It made me feel so. . . alive. Like it does every time. Like I'm loved, and like I love someone else more than anything in the world.

And, Phoebe, for that I love you, and thank you.

Love, Pai

Finding Myself & Letting Go

Since my last post, things have changed a lot. I've found a new love, gained and lost friends and family. . . and accepted my insanity.

Yeah, I know I'm insane. I'm emo, I'm probably psychopathic, and I'm just plain weird. But for the first time in my life. . . I honestly don't care. I really, really, don't give a fuck about it anymore. There's nothing about me I care about. The only things I care about now are the few friends and family who I still trust and who still give me reason to trust them.

I've learned that the only thing you can ever really care about, are those people who will never let you down. Once you start investing your emotion elsewhere. . . you're gonna get hurt. Bad. Because the truth is, the others you care about don't care about you.

When you give your heart to the wrong person, you get lied to, hacked, broken hearted, kicked to the curb, used, and eventually thrown away and forgotten.

That happened to me. And when it did, I fought back. I fought back until it damn near killed me. I lied and cheated right back at the people who lied to and cheated me. I let go of some of the people I loved most. . . but would never do anything but hurt me. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. . . and I think it hurt worse than anything they could've done.

The only way to deal with that, I find, is to stop caring, and hope that you chose the right friends to trust with your heart. And if I didn't. . . Well I just hope I did.

But no matter what happens, I'm still who I am.

Love, Pai...

The crazy emo bitch.